Wow. Yesterday was the five-month anniversary of the day I packed all my stuff from my cubicle in a box and hugged everyone goodbye. I don’t think I would have believed you at the time if you had told me things would still be unsettled. But they are. The last two months have been eventful. Some contract work came my way and kept me very busy, which is why it’s been over two months since my last post. And now, while I still have work, if you tracked my “busy”-ness on a chart, this week would show up as a dip in the line.
Okay, so because I worked a lot over the weekend, I basically blew off the day. It’s raining. I ran out and got groceries. Mostly I spent the day taking personal inventory on how I felt about everything. Having gone from very busy at a job, to wondering what the hell to do next, to very busy with contract work, I’ve seen this topic from quite a few angles in a short period of time. I’ve come to realize that, when you have a salaried job, in addition to a reliable salary, a predictable routine, and health insurance, it carries another great benefit that you don’t see until you don’t have it any more. A full-time salaried position relieves you of one of man’s greatest fears: the unknown. Particularly, the unknown future.
So here I am, having finished up a project with a tight deadline, and already feeling a little less stressed about deadlines. Then, today, a client emailed me and told me to suspend any work I was doing for them until further notice. And as a result, I’ve gone from insanely busy to just kind of busy. The reasons for stopping the work make sense to me and I have every reason to believe this is a temporary halt. And there is no part of this that is a reflection of my work. But I don’t “know” if the work will resume. It’s part of that unknown future that, if I were still a full-time employee, I just move on to a different project and I “know” that my check will still clear every other Friday.
Hmm, how to reconcile all this? Having had a taste of being an independent contractor, I love the freedom that comes with it. And while I am personally not there yet, I can see how it can be very lucrative. But I also know that there are feasts and there are famines, and there is an enormous, looming unknown and unknowable future, ALWAYS. This has been the theme of the day.
Here’s the direction I’m leaning: It seems some of the happiest, most fulfilled and professionally successful people in the world are people who have the freedom that I now have (that was actually thrust upon me!) These people must be completely at peace with the unknowable future. They have to be. Otherwise, why would they tolerate the constant fear? Why wouldn’t they just opt out for the security of a full-time job? Or, could it be that, in their minds, they DO know the future in the sense that their self-confidence predicts that they will continue to be happy, fulfilled, successful.
After 20 years in the professional work force, this is a new skill I’m trying to develop — the ability to be at peace with knowing absolutely nothing about the future. But knowing always that I will be engaged, alive and happy in each present moment.
In today’s world, it seems that being at peace with an unknown future is a more and more important skill to have. So if you’re reading this, and you’re one of these people who are completely comfortable with the unknown future, PLEASE share your thoughts. Feel free to lead the way if you are so inclined.
Guess I’m a little late responding to this, but my answer to your situation is that either:
1) Nothing is certain. You really can’t count on anything because nothing is infinite so why worry about it?
or
2) Everything is certain. if we believe what we want and need will eventually be provided and have faith, have fun and enjoy life, it will all work out. It may not always be easy but it will be.